I Must Get out of this BAD PLACE I am in Mentally

Irish prayer and blessing laughter, warm my heart and home, my good and faithful friends …hmmmm…they’re all on Facebook, seriously except for 3 and I am not sure of 2 of them as far as being faithful…that’s just it i don’t roam anymore…i am too afraid to…there is some peace and i don’t suffer for not having enough food or clothes..but….it’s not the kind of food or clothes i would really want…(am i spoiled? is that it? if so, who spoiled me? surely not anyone human…unless my parents and they passed away)…anyhow i know i am blessed because i have so much that others would want…my son, his family, just the freedom i have to sit here and type….freedom to practice my religion (which I don’t have…I have a relationship, but it seems to be on the rocks right now) …joy that long endures? what is that.??…i know i long endure..but to what end? i cry more than i laugh or have joy or even smile…the only time i really smile is if i play with my cats and /or my grandson…and when i see his face i SMILE…always….that is a true blessing If this is a season I can’t wait for it to pass so I can just endure it and grab the blimps and blurbs of happiness and smiles I can get in between the grey bouts with depression when I turn my brain off and just go away to a place where sleep brings dreams that really make no sense or that really don’t matter…dumb stuff…..I WANT THE BEST FOR ME AND MINE and I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING and I HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE THE BEST…I HAVE A RIGHT TO WHAT JESUS HAD…..(HAS)…..how do I get to it…I know it’s like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? how do I get to it? I know somehow, someway it has to come from inside me. I’ll try to keep you all posted….I think that maybe I am at the threshold where so many once stood and at that point they sold their soul to the devil. I am not ever going to that….even if it means I have to accept that being a 61 yr old mother is really all that God has planned for me to endure…..I just know I have more talent than that though….but how do I get to it? How do I open my mind, heart and brain and body (which is so fragile right now) to my talent. I have been giving up…I have been just sleeping and trying to shut life out…literally……I have got to get out of this prison. I MUST GET OUT OF THIS BAD PLACE I AM IN MENTALLY…….depression


About godslittlekitty

Just a simple, single mom to a 24 1/2 yr. old son, who has now 4 year old son, (my only grandson). I love the Lord because He first loved me. I am reborn and redeemed. (Feb 5 2016)
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One Response to I Must Get out of this BAD PLACE I am in Mentally

  1. Pingback: I Must Get out of this BAD PLACE I am in Mentally | godslittlekitty

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